Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
