I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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