i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Enjoy the penises
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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