He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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