WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
