saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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