very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
