What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
