last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
