My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
