please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
