The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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