Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
