True but thats because hes a fetus.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
