you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
