Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I am mentally ready for anal.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
