Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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