Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
