i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
