My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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