With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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