she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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