The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
