You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Randomize
