dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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