3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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