so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
