I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
