Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
