i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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