I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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