If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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