Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
