I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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