spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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