very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
