Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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