Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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