well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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