You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
