The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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