Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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