I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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