I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
