He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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