Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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