i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
