Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
