I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
