Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
