Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
