:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
