...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
