Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
so much tequila, so little girl.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
