never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
