Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
