Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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