I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
