Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
