This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
