He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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