Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
