dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
