Please, let me fuck your mom
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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