I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
