somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Holy sore nipples Batman
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
