My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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